Your 10-year high school reunion
Oh, everybody wants to make a good impression, and I was making mine on-
Ted? Tad? Whatever
I know, not exactly Most Likely to Succeed
but it's not like I had a law degree to brag about
or a Rittenhouse Square apartment, or a fancy job
- Oh - Or a job, period
- Man - Is that it?
Yes, baby, that's-that's it
There are women- thinner women-
who have lace bras, silk thongs
things designed to excite a man
A thong would look ridiculous on me
I wear cotton briefs
My life is about working long hours
planning trips I never take
and settling for love found on the pages of romance novels
And because things like this never happen to me
the lawyer in me wants proof
Hold on.
Is this Rose Feller?
Who is this?
My name's Todd. I'm here with your sister.
Things like this, on the other hand, happen all the time.
Those are my shoes.
You know, it is actually possible to attend a reunion...
and not wind up passed out on the bathroom floor.
1994 called It wants its hair scrunchie back.
Oh
How are the fashionable girls wearing their hair these days...
when they pick up their drunk sisters in the middle of the night?
Is that even a dress?
Just drive
Shit
You're drunk!
Shh. Don't let Sydelle know.
Oops
I was very clear.
You can only stay here if there was none of your nonsense.
- Excuse me I'm gonna go to bed. - And throw up all over my white carpets?
Absolutely not. Take your things and go.
Where is she supposed to go?
- I don't care. Take her home with you. - No way.
Gee, you two really know how to make a girl feel special.
- I want to talk to Dad about this. - Your father's asleep.
My Marcia and her husband are coming for brunch tomorrow. He needs his rest.
I'm sure if he were given the choice of resting up for your child or talking to his own,...
he'd choose me.
Did you just raise your eyebrow?
I can't tell. It doesn't-
It doesn't move any more.
"My Marcia's coming for brunch."
To stuff her anorexic face
What is this?
Rose Feller!
- Is there a man in this house? - Shh!
- A human man? - Shh, Maggie!
Oh
No, give me that!
- No! Ooh! - Maggie! Maggie!
- Yummy Yummy - Shh!
He's cute. Who is he?
None of your business.
Well, I, for one...
am shocked and appalled.
Shh! Don't, Maggie. Shut up.
Life doesn't have to be this hard, Mag.
If you just prepared a little, you know, maybe went back to school?
Oh, right 'Cause that worked so well the first time.
I mean the literacy place.
Retard "U"
- If you just went back, finished up there- - Right
maybe it'll help you figure out what you're good at.
I know what I'm good at.
- Besides that. - Oh.
You have so much potential.
- You do realize I'm drunk, don't you? - Mm-hmm
Remember Honey Bun?
How long did we have him for?
- A day - Mmm
That was a good day.
Yeah.
- Oh Good morning, um- - Hi.
Is that English?
Oh, Jim. This is my sister, Maggie.
She just dropped by last night to visit.
Right.
- Good morning. - Good morning!
- I'm sorry about that. - It's not a problem.
Hey.
I could've sworn I had some 20s here.
Mm-hmm! Okay
Where does she get the time to do this?
Oh, yeah.
I love you.
All right, Rose What do you got?
Oh, shit!
There's a man in this picture?
Oh, shut up! I had technical difficulties.
- Who's next? - Trust me Look, he's gorgeous.
- Thank you. - And smart and totally smoldering.
- Can you make that a full pound of the hot sopresata? - You got it.
Office romances can go very bad.
Well, they can also go very good.
You know, 30% of married women met their husbands at work.
- Where did you get that statistic? - Made it up.
All extracurricular activity happens off-campus- his place or yours?
His. Mine's a little crowded these days. Maggie.
- No! - Just till she finds a job.
You say that like that's something she's remotely capable of.
Why do you let her do this to you?
Because she's my sister.
All right. What's your name?
Maggie May Feller. What's yours?
Some of you who had plans for the weekend are, unfortunately, going to have to cancel.
The settlement discussions for the Donaldson case have broken down completely,...
so we'll need to start gearing up for trial.
Simon, you should put together a deposition schedule today.
And, Ellen, you should start drafting a summary judgment motion.
I'll need to see that before we file it, so you'll need to get it to me by Thursday, okay?
Let's get to it.
Listen, uh, I'm supposed to go to Chicago...
to do some recruiting interviews next weekend, but it's my kid's birthday.
- Can you go for me? - Chicago?
- Yeah - It's cold there.
- Aw, come on. I promised I'd be the clown. - I don't know.
If I could drag an associate along to help with interviews so I don't fall behind.
Uh, Feller?
- Any interest? Chicago? - Oh, gee, I don't know.
I mean, like you said, it's pretty cold there.
Buy some mittens.
Rose, your sister.
Guess who's in New York waiting for her callback to be the next MTV veejay?
Well, uh-
Out of curiosity, um, how much did it cost you to get up there?
Who cares? I'll make it back.
Oh, right, when MTV hires you and makes you a great big star.
Would it kill you to be supportive?
I mean, would that just send you into "anaphallic" shock or something?
Anaphylactic, Maggie, not "anaphallic."
Maggie May Feller!
I have to go. That's me.
- You're next. - Excuse me.
- Welcome back, Maggie May. - Thank you. It's good to be back.
Now, you see the screen with the words on it?
Just read what it says
and just look into the camera
and give it that- that personality.
Just let it shine through.
Okay, whenever you're ready.
"It's Friday afternoon on"- Oh
Okay. Let's try again.
- Okay - Just relax.
"It's Friday afternoon on TRL and"-
Take it back.
"It's Friday afternoon on TRL and later today"-
You okay, Maggie May?
Yeah
Well? Are you famous yet?
A position in retail
Employment history?
What was your last job?
- Lucky Jeans for three weeks - Why'd it end?
Some crazy bitch with a coupon.
The coupon says 15%! 15% of the total!
15% of 42! Do the math! What's your problem?
Okay, well, if anyone asks, just say it wasn't challenging enough.
And before that was the restaurant, right? The Canal House?
And before that?
Before that? The Gap.
Before that? The Limited.
Wanamaker's Fragrance, Wanamaker's Accessories.
Oh, come on. You really don't want to do this right now, do you?
No, but I also don't want you on my couch for the next three months.
I'll let you do my resume, if you let me do your makeup.
- Forget it. - Why?
I don't know- at some point today, I have to face the world...
and I'd rather not do it looking like a $20 hooker.
Oh, come on I promise you'll still look like you, just better.
Let's go pick out an outfit for Inspiration Shoes.
- I don't have- - Shoes!
You know...
you don't even wear most of these
Shoes like these should not be locked in a closet.
They should be living a life of scandal and passion...
getting screwed in an alleyway by a billionaire while his frigid wife waits in the limo,..
thinking that he just went back into the bar to get his cell phone.
- These are cute, too. - Please tell me you just made that up.
Look, if you're not gonna wear them, don't buy them.
Leave them for somebody who's gonna get something out of them.
I get something out of them.
When I feel bad, I like to treat myself.
Clothes never look any good.
Food just makes me fatter.
Shoes always fit.
- Don't slouch. - Something for you, ladies?
I think we're gonna just take a minute. Thanks.
- I thought I was getting a drink out of this. - Patience.
Eww! Maggie, no.
How would you ladies like to join us for something wet?
- What is that? - It's a vagina.
You know what? Sydelle's right You're completely obscene.
Why, because I say "vagina"?
"Michael, I don't know what's wrong with your girls.
My Marcia never uses the word 'vagina'!"
Oh, no, my Marcia doesn't even have a vagina!
Oh, my Marcia has a vagina all right,...
but my Marcia's vagina is made of solid 24-karat gold.
My Marcia's vagina is so perfect. It's in a museum!
What can I get you girls?
We'll have two stacks of whole wheat honey pancakes...
and a side of bacon, please.
- Thank you. - Thank you very much.
Oh, and, uh, are you hiring?
I'll bring an application
My Marcia never eats pancakes.
That's why my Marcia still wears a m-
What?
I can't believe you just did that.
Did what?
"Are you hiring?"
God, Rose, we were having fun for once.
- It's an opportunity - To do what?
To work the graveyard shift serving pancakes to cops and whores and drunks.
I think you should work, so you don't have to mooch off me for everything.
What are you talking about? I just got us two rounds of drinks.
No, Cuervo Carl got the drinks, and only because he hoped you'd sleep with him.
Well, I didn't.
You need a job, Maggie.
There's a whole world of commerce out there...
that has nothing to do with sex.
Where people actually make money without seducing anyone.
Obviously, or you'd starve.
You're not gonna look like this forever, you know.
Eventually you'll be older...
and then all the men who foot your bill now will be buying drinks for girls half your age.
And what are you gonna do then?
Well, you better think of something...
'cause middle-aged tramps aren't cute.
They're pathetic.
- Fine. - What are you doing?
Sit down, Mag. Mag.
Your car's here, Miss Feller.
Thank you.
Hey.
Danvers got busy. He sent me instead.
Almond croissant? Still warm
Hi I was, uh, wondering if you guys are hiring?
Hi.
Great.
Shit.
- You know about anal glands? - What?
- Squeeze - Eww
Oh, you get used to it.
Grab yourself an apron. We got all sizes.
Sorry.
Hello, Sydelle.
No, I can't come right now.
Look, I'll get there when I get there, okay? Thank you.
Stepmother.
You can put it all in the basement.
I need this space. I'm converting it to a nursery for my Marcia's baby.
- She's pregnant? - She will be very soon.
- Maggie! - Hey, Daddy!
- Yeah, hi, baby - Hi
I thought I heard your voice What brings you here?
I'm being evicted.
Are you gonna wear that, Michael?
Because if you're not, you should go change. We're already late.
- Mustn't be late. - Mm-mmm
- Stick around, Maggie, have dinner with us. - Mmm, tempting.
Yeah.
Well- Oh, try not to burn the house down.
Don't look at me like that, my Marcia.
Mike, how do you stop loving somebody when they've stopped loving you?
We are within walking distance to three of the best restaurants in the city.
- I've already eaten. - Yeah.
Grease is not a food group, Feller.
Bon appetit.
Okay, I'm not gonna start with your butt first, okay?
I'm gonna wait for us to get to know each other a little better.
All right. Here you go.
Okay.
Oh! Shit.
Here we go, sweetie.
Oh, God.
No! Truce.
Damn it!
- They got you too, huh? - What?
They tow on Saturdays.
Great. Do you know where they take the cars?
Uh, yeah, it's this impound lot down on South Street.
I'm parked around the corner. I'm taking him. We'd be glad to take you too.
- Yeah. - If you want.
Yeah, that would be great.
Uh, you know, are we- I mean, are we- are we in a rush?
'Cause I could stand going for a drink.
- Sure. - All right. All right. Cool.
- There it is. What's your name? - Maggie.
- Hey, Grant. Nice to meet you. - Hey, I'm Tim.
- Hi. Nice to meet you. - Nice way to end your day.
Yeah. My sister would kill me if she knew I got her car towed.
Where is this place?
We're almost there.
We're in like Flynn.
All right, go ahead.
- There it is. - All right, let's go.
- All right. - All right. Thanks.
- All right. - So, thanks for the ride.
Thanks for the drinks and the fun, and, uh, we'll see you guys later.
Well- I mean, wait, wait. Hang on, hang on.
Maybe we can go do something.
- You know, it's early still. - No, I'm okay, actually I'm just gonna go.
Yeah, but you can't just take the car. You got to pay for it.
- Let me go! - What are you doing? Hey, wait up! Wait!
Grant! Leave her alone!
Ow! God!
What the hell is that?
It's Honey Bun Two.
You bought a dog.
No, I borrowed him.
I didn't want to be alone last night.
I had- I had a bad night.
So did I, Maggie, several of them.
But you don't see me stealing dogs.
I was scared There were these guys and-
- Of course there were. - And I got home, and you were gone I-
My plane was late. I have to be in court in 20 minutes.
I missed two days of work for nothing, which means I'm gonna have to work forever.
And now I'm getting a cold...
so I don't have room in my head for your problems right now.
Just have my sheets cleaned and the dog out, by the time I get home.
My car has a boot on it!
How the hell did my car get a boot on it?
Oh, I was trying to tell you I-I used it the other day-
Five years I've had that car, not one ticket.
You use it-without permission- for two days.
- Melanie Dillon. - Melanie, it's me.
- Hi, Rose. - There's an emergency, and I can't make it to court.
- Can you send someone to cover for me? - Got it.
Thank you.
You ruin everything.
I can't take this any more, Maggie. I can't.
I want you out.
Now. Today, before I get home from work.
- Where am I supposed to go? - That is not my problem!
You are your problem! You figure it out!
- How was Chicago? - Cold.
Sorry I couldn't swing it.
- Things were kind of crazy around here. - Yeah, I know.
I work here too.
You know, Jim...
if you say you're gonna be in Chicago, you should be in Chicago.
And if you can't make it, if you know you're gonna send Simon Stein in your place,...
then pick up the goddamn phone.
Bitch.
It's okay, Honey Bun. Shh.
Is Rose here?
Nope.
Oh!
Rose. Rose.
I liked you. I really liked you.
She won't even remember your name.
In fact, she can't even spell it.
Can you, Mag? Want to give it a try? Come on, sound it out.
Ji immm.
Jim
Pretty, but real stupid.
Shut up, you fat pig!
Did you honestly just say "fat pig"?
You are my sister...
and the best you can do is "fat pig"?
Get out of my life!
Is there anything I can do?
I want 200 bucks.
That's the going rate, isn't it?
When's your next train to New York?
12:18
Mrs. Lefkowitz?
All right already!
Oh, sorry, I thought it was my son.
- I'll get my list. - Okay.
I didn't know your son was here. That's wonderful.
Yeah, well, he said he wants to see me.
And where is he now? He's on the beach, looking at bosoms.
Hey, Lewis, what's the matter?
You look like you just had a stroke.
- Hi, Mrs. Lefkowitz. Hi, Ella. I didn't see you. - Hello
- She's invisible. - You look confused.
Well, who needs all these choices? It's soap.
I say, when in doubt, go for the simplest box.
Ah You know, Sharla taught me almost everything.
Cooking, dishes, how to use a cell phone.
Never got around to the laundry.
You must miss her.
Mmm, every day. You?
Well, I didn't know your wife, so, no, I can't say that I do.
Oh, finally, a date with Lewis Feldman.
What do you mean?
He's had his eye on you since he got here.
That's ridiculous. He has not.
Anyway, it's not a date I'm just helping him with his laundry.
Why? What do you think dates look like around here, bungee jumping?
Believe me, it's a date.
At least she's gone.
Where'd she go to anyway?
I don't know. My dad's, I guess.
Well, that's good. Gives Sydelle one more thing to complain about.
Which one are you crying about-
the predatory prick or the shit-for-brains tramp?
'Cause neither one deserves your tears.
You know, Amy
I'm sure you're right.
But sometimes I wish you'd just say...
"Boy, that sucks and I'm really sorry it happened to you."
- Do you have them for every high holiday? - Yeah.
The Passover one says, "What makes this tuchis unlike any other?"
My son, the joker, ...
thinks it makes up for the fact that I don't see him on the holidays.
- They go to her parents. - Well, at least he's married.
- My son- 55, still single. - Gay?
I wish. Immature.
Ella, tell me about your family.
Well, my husband Ira was in real estate.
Died three years ago. Cancer.
That's funny?
No, it's the way we do that- the dead spouse intro.
Name, rank, when did he die, how.
But not the specifics.
Cancer's okay, but no one ever says "lung cancer."
Or, God forbid, "prostate cancer."
How 'bout you? Have any kids?
No.
No, I don't have any children.
Rufus? Is that Rufus?
Uh, is Shirley back from Europe already?
Ooh, I thought she- I thought she was boarding Rufus for another month.
She is. Yeah.
I just walk Rufus.
- Oh, you're with the Elegant Paw. - No No, I'm-
- Hi, Carol. - Hey, Carol.
- Hi - Good girl, Molly
- I'm freelance. A freelance dog-walker - Oh, I see.
Yeah, I work for kennels, with kennels, and, uh
with- for individuals too.
- She's just what we need. - Absolutely.
How much do you charge?
Jesus! You saved my ass.
- Where did you find him? - Oh, just wandering around Rittenhouse.
You know, I give this girl a job. She seems normal.
Next thing I know, she's taken off with this dog.
You can imagine, something like this gets out, and I'm out of business.
So, how does 200 sound for a reward? Fair enough?
- I don't want a reward. - What are you, a saint?
No.
Uh, I was thinking maybe instead of a reward...
you could offer your clients my dog-walking services.
Exclusively.
We could split the proceeds.
Not so much as the Winnebago he left her.
Oh, it's horrible!
You won't be laughing when you're eating government cheese.
Hello.
- Hello? - Is this Ella Hirsch?
Yes, it is.
Did you have a daughter named Caroline?
Yes.
So, are you on vacation, or-
Yeah.
Mmm Well, we've been having wonderful weather.
I'm so glad you called.
I'm so glad you're here.
Mrs. Lefkowitz, this is my granddaughter Maggie Feller.
- Hello. - Hi.
Well, you must be starving. I can, uh, fix you something to eat-
No, that's- I'm fine.
I just, uh-
- I'm really tired. - Oh, well, let me show you the guest room.
Um, it's right through here. Uh, this is the bathroom.
And I'll put out clean towels and, uh, a washcloth.
The bed's made up...
and there are, um, extra blankets in the closet.
- Is my grandfather around? - Oh, no.
No, Ira passed away over three years ago.
So, you'll call me if you need anything?
Yeah.
Hey, you said you didn't have children.
I said I don't have children.
I had a daughter.
Her name was Caroline. She died.
What was she like?
Well, she was- she was exactly like that.
Same eyes, same skin,...
same face- identical.
But she had, um, health problems.
She had mental health problems.
Well, how'd she die?
Car accident.
A leave of absence? Why?
I'm just- I'm not happy at that firm.
So instead, you'll be walking dogs...
and running errands, and- I think it'll be fun.
Are you okay?
You're not having-
What?
If you ever want to talk to someone, Rose, I'll pay for it.
No questions asked. If you're ever feeling-
Crazy?
I'm not the one you should be worried about.
How is Maggie?
- You haven't seen her? - No, she's still with you, isn't she?
Oh, yeah, she is. She's fine.
- Thanks for the coffee. - All right. See you soon?
The number you have called is no longer in service.
If you feel you have reached this recording-
Well, good morning.
Did you sleep well?
Fine, thanks.
I have English muffins here. I can make you any kind of eggs you'd like.
- I don't eat breakfast. - Oh.
I drink coffee.
So, my goodness. This is a surprise.
Such a lovely surprise after all this time.
- Yeah, what's up with that? - I beg your pardon?
Well, were you always out of the picture, or just after Mom died?
Oh, your grandfather and I were never out of the- I mean, we were always there.
We-
And even after your mom died, I wrote...
birthday cards every year and I never heard back.
Yeah, I know you wrote for a while. I just found them.
What do you mean, "just"?
I guess they got waylaid. Thanks for the money.
You're telling me that your father never gave you my cards?
Mm-mmm
What must you have thought?
I thought you both were dead.
Does this place have a pool?
Oh! Sorry.
Whoa! Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! Whoa!
Come on.
Hey, check this out
Hey.
Where'd she come from?
Hi, sweetheart
Come on. Come on.
Come on. Keep playing.
Rose! Rose Feller!
Oh, Stein
How are you?
Man, you look great. Not sick at all.
Why would I look sick?
Oh.
- That's one of the rumors. - There are rumors?
How 'bout that? Lunchtime.
- Hey, how does, uh- How does Japanese sound? - I'm not hungry, Stein.
Oh, there's no such thing as not hungry for sushi. Come on.
We'll bill it to one of your old clients.
Uh, thank you. You eat everything?
- What do you think? - Okay.
- Um, two orders of uni, one masago. - Mm-hmm
- Uh, two tako. - Okay
- Two hamachi. - Mm-hmm
Then also that cod thing. It was a special once, but it's not on the menu any more.
- You know what I'm talking about. - Tara.
- Yes! - Okay. Thank you.
- Okay, thank you. - Thanks.
- You just ordered for me. - Yes.
- What am I, 12? - Uh, I'm an expert orderer.
- It's a gift. - Is it?
Absolutely.
What was the last great restaurant you went to?
- I took my sister to Le Bec Fin. - Uh-huh
And you both got the snapper, right?
Close. I got the snapper.
- She got three rum and Cokes and the sommelier's phone number. - Okay
Well, I'll take you there, and we'll get...
the foie gras with Roquefort-stuffed fig...
Scottish wood pigeon with cabbage and porcini cassoulet...
and the chocolate mousse with raspberries and hazelnut macaroon.
You'll want to eat with me for the rest of your life.
- Ah. - Here you go.
- Mmm - I know
- The special, tara. - Thank you.
Enjoy.
So- What are the other rumors?
Ah Um-
Rumor one: Mysterious illness.
Rumor two: Head-hunted by Pepper and Hamilton.
Here. Try some of this.
- Rumor three? - Um, soy?
Oh, come on What's rumor three?
Affair with a partner gone bad.
Don't worry.
Most people are betting on lupus.
Here. Wasabi makes everything better.
- So, uh, what time Friday? - Friday?
Dinner.
Oh, look, Simon, this was- this was really nice, but, um, I don't think-
7:00 it is.
Thank you.
Mmm That smells good. What is that?
That's braised veal.
There's a paper towel on the counter.
Out of curiosity...
how long is this vacation of yours going to last?
How come you don't have any pictures of my mom around?
Don't you like thinking about her?
I don't need to have a picture to think about my daughter.
You put out pictures. People ask questions.
They expect you to tell 'em everything, and I don't do that.
'Cause Mom was sick?
Because she's gone.
Is that why you pulled away from us?
So that you didn't have to talk about her with us either?
I didn't pull away. I was pushed.
No, listen.
I'm not the one who didn't pass along the letters. That was your father.
I'm not the one who didn't want a relationship.
He said that? "I don't want you to have a relationship with my daughters."
- Oh, yes - When?
- At the funeral. - Why? Why would he say that?
Because he's irrational. Yeah. He blamed me for everything.
Every bad day, every bad episode.
He did not want me near her.
And after she was gone...
he didn't want me near you or your sister.
I just wonder-
If you had tried harder, you know, or, like, tried again...
after he'd gotten over the whole shock and grief of it, you know?
'Cause it would have been nice having a grandmother.
Nice and maybe a little less lonely.
She sounds like a manipulative little nincompoop.
- The girl lost her mother. - So? You lost your daughter.
- It's not the same. - It's worse.
A parent burying a child goes against the law of nature.
Well, so does a grandparent abandoning her grandchildren.
You said yourself he didn't want you around.
What were you supposed to do, break down the door?
Yes.
Shoelace.
For Caroline, yes.
For Caroline She was gone, cookie.
And you pushing your way into that house wasn't gonna do a thing for her.
- She wanted me there. - You don't know that.
- Yes, I do. I know. - How?
I just do.
How?
I've never told anybody this, not even Ira.
I'll take it to my grave, probably tomorrow.
It wasn't a car accident.
I mean, eh- it- it was a car...
and there was a crash, but-
How do you know it was on purpose?
She wrote a note.
It came the day after the funeral.
What'd it say?
One line.
"Please take care of my girls."
- And you didn't - Mm-mmm
You didn't because you couldn't.
Now you can, so you will.
Ella, bubbeleh, you did the best you could in a very bad situation.
You got nothing to feel guilty about...
and you tell that to Miss Hotsy-Totsy Pants.
So this is where all my boyfriends have been coming from.
They took a vote I don't know who I pissed off, but somehow I lost.
Or won. Either way, it's official.
I am the captain of the softball team.
Yeah.
Look, I know this isn't my business, but I can't not say anything.
You have rights, legal options for getting your job back.
I don't want it back.
You don't?
I thought you loved it.
You were always the first one there in the morning and the last one to leave at night.
I know. Not because I loved it.
Then why?
I don't know.
Maybe I was scared of what would happen if I wasn't there.
Oh, what? Like the place would fall apart without you?
With law freaks like you there? Never.
No, I wasn't worried about the office.
I guess it was more me...
and what would happen to me without those people to please...
and those tasks to get done.
Like maybe those were the things holding me together.
And without them, I'd fall apart.
But you didn't.
I guess not.
So what does hold you together?
For me, it's the law, politics, the Sixers and good food.
If you ever want to join me for a game or a meal,...
I hope you'll give me a call.
Ella?
Oh, I was just looking for-
For what?
Sorry, I-
Wrong dresser. It's in the sock drawer.
What is?
My cash. That's what you were looking for, right? That's what you want.
No, God.
Oh, well.
I guess after being absent for some 20-odd years or so...
I can't expect you to want to have a relationship with me.
- How much? - How much what?
Money, Maggie. How much money were you hoping to get from me?
- I don't know. - Yes, you do.
I want to go to New York.
Maybe act. I think I'd be good at it.
Mmm, clearly
- How much do you need? - Three grand.
That you would not have found in the sock drawer.
How much do you have?
I won't give you $3,000, but I'll do this.
They need help over at the Assisted Living Center.
You get that job, stop loafing around here like some princess...
and I will match what you earn, penny for penny.
You would do that?
Why?
Because I'm your grandmother.
Oh, I don't think so.
Last time I ran anywhere was to my wedding.
Look what happened.
- Is that Corinne? - No.
- Who is it? - Maggie.
Have we met before?
There's a pick-up line with a little dust on it.
Fine. What's your sign?
I've been out of the game for a while.
What, like 70, 80 years?
Give or take.
Where's Corinne? She's my number-one girl.
Well, excuse me, but what does Corinne have that I don't?
- She reads to me. - Oh.
You could do it, maybe nose her out of first position.
Here.
I'm a little busy right now.
Maybe you should wait for Corinne.
- Hello? - Are the Sixers basketball or hockey?
Come on, Eric!
Yeah, baby! Yeah, baby!
That's what I'm talkin' about. Get back. Get back!
That's Reggie Miller! You gotta get him!
He'll make it every time.
Boo! That's right.
Boo! Good.
I can't believe we lost the game.
- Why can't you believe it? We've been losin' all season long. - That's right.
We need a three-point man, a man who can shoot the pill, a man who can thrill.
I don't care if you have the best three-point shooter in the league.
You got to get back on defense.
Look at the best teams in history- the Celtics, the Bulls, the Lakers-
all great defensive teams.
I mean, offense sells tickets, but defense wins ball games.
He's right. Without defense, you won't win games.
Thank you.
I see you're a fan of the classics.
Um, what?
- Oh, that That-That's my sister's. - Oh Oh, okay.
I hope you like cheap, almost-stale red.
It's my favorite.
What's she like- the sister?
She's, you know, a sister.
- You don't want to talk about your sister. - I didn't say that.
I don't want to talk about my sister.
Cheers.
So what's he like, this, um, Captain Jack?
"His fingers tangled in her curls...
"while his tongue plundered the soft cavern of her mouth
"She made no protest
"Her furnace was alight
"Jack drew his lips from hers and urged her forward
"so he could take one shirt-veiled nipple into his mouth.
"Kit's gasp urged him on
"He licked the material until it clung to the ripe peak
"then drew the turgid flesh deep into his mouth
"Kit moaned, her body spasming in response
Her eyes were closed, her lips parted "
Okay, um, embarrassing as this is to admit...
I'm officially turned on.